Kasukedo Kirai
by Soul Writer Of Dark Truth
Summary: You,Mizuhari, have a love who left you. He never even knew you. Yet, you loved him with your whole heart! Now youre on a mission to bring Sasuke back. Sucess rate: 0 but youre determined to bring him back.Will you?


That painful love rips through my heart again as I look ahead to the future, the pain, the anguish, and the hopeful rebirth to a new me. You knew me never, but I knew you. Maybe all too much for my sake. Mother used to say it would kill me one of these days. I guess I shouldve listened to her for once. What do you think, My Love? But my heart, It told me to continue in my deadly sin of a love. It was one sided, but why in the hell should I care? It was longing destined to keep tearing pieces of me away and carrying them off with the gentle breeze that was all to harsh on me. Hair whips at my face as my eyes travelled to the place where youd left to. Impossible to see yet it was as if though my heart was taken with you. A pang struck through me again as it registered. You would never come back to me. You were going to be gone forever. Away from me,away from home, away from the life I thought youd never give up. Naruto told me hed bring you back. They all left today as I sit here feeling helpless. Sakura noticed me today. I was genuinly shocked. Why notice some lowly creature as me? I dont know, but she did. She was crying. I felt like she trusted me as a friend, but thats highly doubtful.My heart wanted me to chase after you,my one love. It wanted to soar to where ever you were and be with you. Orange light bathed over me from the horizon as my heart told me go to after the one I loved, but for the last two years it had been wrong. Look what it had gotten me now. I was alone, desperate and hollow. All because of one simple person my heart had been set on. You. It all led back to you. My pain, my misery, my rebirth to a dawning day, my little drop of happiness that came from remembering your face. But I never got to say goodbye. Sakura did. I didnt. But you dont know me. You never did. Whats the difference if you had? Would you have left, then? Would my exsistence have made an indent,scratch, or the sound of hope of your life now? Theres no way Im important enough to actually make an impact. I dont need anymore lies from myself or anyone else around me. A flicker of hate coursed through my veins, but disappated instantly at the thought of you. Parents would have said this was childs love and a fools play, but for me. It was all too real for me to stand. I wanted to go with the all male group after you. The light of my life and the light to my eyes. I didnt fawn over you. That wouldve been ridiculous. Distance is truth. Now the distance is further bringing the cold truth closer. The light was gone now. A coldness Id never known before came over me. The ground, sky, and all inanimate objects seemed to welcome me to their home as the sun vanished regretfully from sight. Back against the ground trees swaying around me to the flow of natures heart beat. I felt calm, relaxed, but I was far from the sort. It once again all lead back to you. Every thought. Every movement in me. Every beating second my heart throbbed in pain. My brain coursed with questions. My eyes flooded with tears. A sob was wrenched from me as my arms wrapped around me as Id dreamed you would do with your arms. I pictured a soft expression making your face glow gently as a soft breeze flew past you. You were, are, and always will be my dream…….Sasuke.

Days had passed now. The group was back. Without you. It crushed me slowly as the realization truly rushed my mind. You really werent going to come back. Not to just me, but everyone. Your friends and what you could call your family. With that thought cutting deep into my heart I walked back home. At least, the place I took rest in. A voice rang out behind me and I turned to see Sakura.

" Mizuhari! Did you here what happened on the mision!" asked the pink headed girl that used to absolutely ignore me. I stopped. My feet dared me to leave her standing there, but my conscious said differently. I turn unwillingly and faced her with my deep, mourning brown eyes, my once perfect dirty blonde hair framing my face with the ragged edges.

" I didnt. Why do you ask?" I asked my voice sounding unfamiliar to me. The voice of mourning and the deprevation of tears which had come each and every night.proceeding Sasukes exodus of Konoha. She gave you a sad look.

" Neji and Chouji came back in critical condition.Kiba came back wounded but not life threatening. Naruto came back unconscious and Shikamaru was in good but ragged condition." She said never making contact with my sadened eyes excpet when she spoke of Naruto. Her eyes held the same look of love for Sasuke that my heart held for you. Sasuke, My Love, why did you leave us. I nodded before turning and walking off, tears threatening to fall early. Heart poudning in my ears I walked away from Sakura the pang of sadness shooting through my and into my soul. This pain. Why wont it stop? Its like a waterfall in all its beauty. The waterfalls supply can lessen. But it almost never stops falling. The silence engulfed me as it had for the last nights past and it made me think again. How long will this last? Will it ever get better? I didnt need to ask if Id eer get over Sasuke. I knew I wouldnt. It was like asking myself if I could stop living with the blink of an eye. These emotions made me feel weak, worthless. I needed you. And you left me. Unintentionally, but nonetheless, you left. For a stupid prupose. To be an avenger. What the hell is an avenger but someone who asks for his life to be ended short of its normal time! In the back of my mind, the thought of what you may have left for besides power, lingered. Could you be running from your past? But how do you run from something that cant follow? Its already come and gone and it is here now longer. A memory. Thats all.Yes, that memory is horrible to you, My Love. Everyone is sure enough to have horrible memories, ne? Some people couldve had it worse than you. I cant say that I have even though Im told it is. Left alone at age 4 with death written all over my hands. Id been near death myself then. Not physically perhaps. But emtionally. Perhaps I still may be in that same sorry state. Friendless, loveless, and what seemed powerless. The tree bark was soft against my tense back as I leaned back to stare at the sky. It had rained recently. Why did He cry? What reason does God have to cry? Can he not fulfill everything he wishes? Or perhaps is it he mourned the fight that had occurred. I knew that Naruto had lost the never-ending battle with Sasuke. You fought and came close to murdering your friend. Are you becoming so filled with your ambition you were loosing sight of your trueself? Or could it be that you may have possibly been intimadated and jealous of your friends new power comparable to your own? A sigh escaped my lips as I almost drifted into a stressed sleep.

That year that you left came back to me so clearly it seemed as if it was now. After you left,I worked hard to become as good as I could dream to be. I looked in the mirror faint memories of you flashing into my mind. Itd been 3 years since you had left,My Love. I still love you. I remember telling myself I always would. It turned out to be that I was stronger than I ever imagined. Im ANBU now. What would you think of me? Maybe you wouldnt think at all. After all, you never got to know me, Sasuke. Tsunade-sama is sending me on a mission with four other ANBU members and three jounin-ex ANBU members. She told us that we have to bring you back now or it was too late. Orochimarus plan is devious,cunning and decieving. Please, My Love, tell me you wouldnt be so desperate to do something that foolish. I would be disappointed in you. But it is true, I can never hate you, no matter what you do. That is unless you betrayed me personally. I pulled on the outfit required of us ANBU members. The kunai clanking in the pouch made me hope I would not have to use them. Naruto and Sakura would be coming. So would Kakashi-sensei. Does this mean anything to you? They were your friends, your family. Shikamaru, Neji, and Hinata are coming as well. I dont know if that makes any difference. A longing made me wish it does. My blue hair was now long again, placed into a ponytail atop my head. My eyes are no longer so bright as they used to be. Maybe seeing you will change that. My thoughts are those of fools. How would that help me? You would not be the same person I knew and loved. A changed man you had become and fears of seeing this….new man you had become scared me. Eyes closed in serenity I walked out the door of my apartment. Being a 16 year old ANBU wasnt as hard as Id expected. How hard do you think it wouldve been had you not left? I walked to Tsuande-samas office the chilling morning air not even matching the coldness within. It made me wonder if youd warm me again. A light knock echoed through Tsunades quiet room as I, the youngest ANBU member going on the mission, entered.

"Tsunade-sama" I said bowing with my utmost respect and took a seat inbetween Sakura and Neji. Tsunade gave us all a warm smile. It was bright compared to the dusky sky.

"As you all know what this mission is for, I wish you the greastest amount of luck in my power. Please bring Uchiha home alive. Even if not in the greastest shape I command you to bring him home." She said her eyes gazing around at the ANBU and Jounin members. Each one of us nodded in understanding before we ANBU members placed our masks on and the three jounin stood follwing us out of the dark and quiet building. All seven of us knew where you were,Sasuke. Can you imagine us knowing Orochimarus whereabouts? Hn, neither could I. But thats beside the point, My Love. We were coming to get you. To bring you home. To revive you from the grave. It wouldnt take us long to reach your current hideout. The thought of seeing you placed a permanent smile onto my masked face. Sakura walked beside me her mask covering her face which Im sure was wet with tears. On my other side stood Hinata. She, too, was adorned with the known mask of ANBU. Shikamaru and Kakashi walked in front of us, both being ex-ANBU members. Naruto walked silently next to Neji, who too was a retired ANBU. Naruto has the mask that fits him. That of a fox.

We are here for you now. Please, Love, I do not wish to hurt you…..But I was told that if it be manditory, I will do whatever I can in my will to bring you home to me, to your family, your friends, to Konohagakure. You now stood before me and you had changed. So much had you changed. It hurt me, to see your cold stature stare us down at the order of a man with no help for you. He wanted your power. None of this scheme would help you. I wanted to tell you that you would never get to kill him. Orochimaru had plans of doing that himself. But my self-restraint had grown a lot over those 3 years. Masking my emotions with more than the animal face I was given I took battle stance with my 6 teammates. You glanced over us and look over each mask of each ANBU member. I heard Sakura gasp drawing your attention to her. Eyes closed, I regained my composure and waited for you to attack us just as youd been instructed. We will not fail. And you will not stay here. My lifes goal was to bring you home. Whether I died in the process or not. Vanishing from sight my senses saught you out from where youd be attacking from. Neji turned and blocked an attack from you as hed called on his Byakugan silently. Narutos hand signs barely reached my senses as I felt him create several shoadow clones and dispersed them among the trees. I closed my eyes and relied on my senses besides sight and raised an arm with lightning speed blocking a kunai thrown with perfect aim. I felt your Sharingan and remember the doujutsu ninjutsu Id created over the three years. One I didnt want to use. It was one that had a power used to get information, among other things. If I did use it, the amount of Chakra going to my eyes would have to be a little as possible. Or you would die. Once again the sound of clashing metal broke me from my train of thought as I heard your rough breathing in front of me. Youd attacked me head on. I put my strength into the kunai which pushed you backwards and I heard you flip away from me. A bombardment of attacks flew at you as my eyes opened and I saw. Youd deflected each one. My Love, I shall say this. For being with the cunning and decieving bastard, your sharpness had not changed. Another intense moment of battle flared from us 7 Konohagakure ninja. Attacks flooded you from each of us as we used combinations of Taijutsu, Genjutsu, and Ninjutsu. After we got you breathing hard we attacked you again, mainly using Ninjutsu and Taijutsu. You were pushed back from us. That was obviously what caused you to bring forth your hidden weapon. That damned seal. I heard curses come from my fellow teammates my own mixing in. I saw Kakashi from the side of my mask and look over at him. He seemed to somewhat understand that of my asking and I removed my mask. My eyes now were different from the normal colour they were. They seemed to be crystalized. The way these eyes worked were different from Gekkai Genkai Doujutsus. This was one was based on the amount of Chakra flooded to my vision. Yes, I must say it is a unique control of Chakra to have, but this is what Ive strived for. I looked up at you with my eyes gazing straight into yours. The look seemed tell you exactly what I meant without speaking.

" You will come…" I said hollowly, seeing you try to fight the power. I couldnt use too much Chakra or itd kill you. Each member of my team stared at me in confusement. Like he would listen to me? Yes, I will make you listen to me.

" Do not fight it…..Or it will kill you." I said emptiness flooding my voice as I added a little bit more Chakra to the vision. My eyes became a little bit more clearer but not much still having that same crystalized blurriness. Your eyes closed and I wanted to stop, but I knew I couldnt. I was told to bring you back and thats what I was going to do. I felt you resist even more and it slowly killed me inside. I couldt stand seeing you in this pain. But I had to. Id been ordered to. I pushed with my power even more and saw you hop out of the tree. I made you stand still as Naruto snuck up being you and injected a medicine to induce unconsciousness. You fell forward and Sakura caught you. She stumbled with the weight.

"I could carry him if hes too heavy." I said montonously. My eyes were back to normal. I could feel them burning with the effects of my jutsu. Her masked face nodded to me and I walked forward gently picking you up and layed you carefully on my shoulder. Walking softly, I tried not make you move much as we walked of towards the setting sun.

" Well stop here and rest for the night. We are back in Fire Country territory." Said Kakashi as he stopped in a surrounded clearing. We all nodded and I gently set you down against a tree. Sakura and I went to get water as two of the guys set up camp and two went to get wood for a fire. A deep shuddering breath escaped my mouth as I set the bucket down and leaned against a tree.

Everyone was asleep, now, including you. I was sitting in a tree watching you and keeping check that we had no unwelcome visitors. You stirred and my eyes immediately moved to stare at your form. Eyes opening momentarily afterwards, you glanced around and stood up.

"I wouldnt leave if I were you, Sasuke. You wouldnt get very far." I said to you. You glared up at me and I stared down at you masking my emotions. Black pits grabbed the attention of my eyes and I blinked once to escape your firery glare. My mind fooled me of a moment to where Id thought Id seen something flicker in your eyes. An emotion from you? Anyone could laugh at that thought, even I.

"Who are you?" came your cold voice to my ears. It was a dark and enticing music to me. My blue hair swayed slightly in the wind. The wind caressed my form and ruffled your raven black hair.

" Who am I? Im Mizuhari. Why do you ask?" I asked a harsh tone more pronounced than Id wished.

"I merely wished to know whod challenged me before they died." You said and I glared. Youd pushed it with those words.

" Like some arrogant bastard like you could ever kill me. I could kill you with a mere glance. " I retorted angrily.My eyes started to crystalize as Chakra flooded to them.You merely stared at me with those emotionaless eyes I came to love. Sharingan came to my knowledge as you vanished and I turned to come eye to eye with you.

" Watch me hurt you, Love. " I whispered as the thought of silenced pain came to my mind. Those thoughts turned to physical pain from my eyes and a smirk crossed my lips as your watered.

"You will stay here and come home. Do I make myself clear?" I ask in a demanding tone, releasing you from the pain my eyes cause. You glared at me and once again I force silenced pain on you. Hands balled into fists of anger and pain, you gave the barest of nods and I released my painful hold on you, the Chakra receeding from my eyes. I gave you the deepest of glares which you kindly returned before you asked me a question.

" How did you do that? Is it a Kekkai Genkai?" you asked me and the sinical of smiles crossed my face.

" No, its not a Kekkai Genkai. Its my very own developed Doujutsu ninjutsu. Why do you ask?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at the fact you were making "normal" conversation with me. You answered with the coldest of tones and a frown crossed my lips.

" Mere curiousity." You stated and turned.

" Just where do you think you are going?" I asked, taking a step, my hands and arms tensed if needed to stop you from escaping. You stopped and turned, facing me now.

" To take a bath. Must you follow me there?" you said a small smirk across your features. I cocked an eyebrow. You thought youd get a reaction from me. Hn, you wish.

" That I must. Why? Dont want someone to look in upon your privacy?" I said giving you a smirk of my own. You glared at me and I followed you silently jumping into a tree my senses sharp as I heard a small swishing sound of misplacement of water. About fifteen minutes later, I heard you exit the water and dry off. You walked past me and I jumped from the tree walking behind you in silence. Upon reaching camp, I jumped back into a tree and looked over to the horizon. The sun was slowly rising and the rest of camp should be getting up soon. Just as I thought that I heard Sakura and Naruto stir. Its hard to believe how close theyd gotten while you were gone, Sasuke. It was almost as if they werent friends, My Love.

"Good morning, Sakura, Naruto…" I said quietly as I walked past them and hopped back into the tree Id stayed in.

"Good morning, Hari-chan." Said the two in unison and I managed to them a weak smile. You merely sat down again the tree youd woken up against and stared out over the camp. Soon after, the other woke up one after the other and we started off towards home. I walked behind you my arms folded across my rising and falling chest as you kept a steady pace with the others. Kakashi-sensei had told me to stay in back to make sure you didnt run off. Thats one job I could easily specialize in. As the sun began to set again, the gates of Konohagakure came to view and several of my teammates faces lit with joy. With the hint of a smile we all walked through the gates and up to Tsunades office without anyone spotting us. Kakashi knocked on the door and Tsunade opened it for features of awe to take over her expression. Soon after she bekoned us all in pulling you in before hugging me. I gave her a half hug back not really enjoying hugs much and walked over to a seat between Hinata and Shikamaru.

" Congratualations on a mission sucessful. Sasuke, Ill be needing a word with you after they all leave. As well as you, Mizuhari. You can wait outside while I speak with Uchiha. Youre all dismissed." She said and they all walked down the hall while I closed the door and stood there waiting for you to walk out. About five minutes later you finally emerged from behind the closed door and I was called in by Tsunade. As I turned to close the door I saw you take a stand beside and wondered. Sitting down in front of Tsunade she addressed me before stating her thoughts.

"Sasuke told me how you refrained from putting a scratch on him, yet bringing him home safely. How did you learn such a power at your age?" she asked looking me dead in the eye. I frowned and looked down at my hands before looking back up at her.

" I strived for a power because I had nothing else special to me. And I soon learned that I had excellent control of my Chakra. I could place it anywhere I wanted. So I tried my eyes once and I got the jutsu I have created.Genkansakime. Thats what I call it." I said thinking of the hypnotic power I could hold over people. I loved the feeling, but I didnt. It was one that was decieving, but to be a shinobi that is necessary.

" I see. I have to say it is an impressive power and you have great skill, but I would guess you also know its default?" she asked me and I looked her dead in the eye.

" The more Chakra put behind the eyes, the more brain damage it does the victim. And if you see the eyes completely glossed over like glass. Your mind is mush." You said no emotion showing. Her face held awe and shock. Yes, it was terrible power, but sometimes the enemy would need to die. Your eyes transmitted Chakra energy to the enemys mind causing them to lose it for temporary moments. And the more Chakra used the more lethal damage caused.

" And this is how you made Uchiha come back!" she asked, fear unmaksed in her voice.

" Tsunade-sama, please relax. I barly used any Chakra at all. It does not take much to break down someones mental will. And his being fragil with a need for revenge didnt take much of a push." I said a small smile on my face." No harm came to Sasukes mind."

A small smile came across her face and she nodded before waving her hand towards the door and I stood.

" Keep watch on Sasuke for a while, would you, Mizuhari? I dont want him escaping." Said Tsunade and I nodded to open the door to see you still standing there.

" I assume she told you to watch me?" he said a hint of annoyance in his voice, arms folded across his chest.

" Hai, Sasuke…She did. If youve a problem with it, take it up with her, not me. I didnt tell her I wanted to. She only requested I did, okay?" I said in a temper flare. You were only a few inches taller than me and I was able to look directly into your eyes without having to look up. You glared at me and I felt an invisible dagger stab my heart, but I stood tall.

" Fine, but I wont enjoy this." You said to me as I walked a littlebit in front of you.

" No one ever said it was going tobe fun when you returned, Sasuke. Just be happy everyones not trying to kill you or complaining to Tsunade that you should be excuted for your treason. Im not here to listen to you complain about your shit. Now come on. Im getting more agrivated by the moment." I said my temper flaring again and I could feel your harsh stare on my back.

We reached my apartment, which was rather roomy for one person. I showed you to the guest room and handed you a change in clothes.

" The bathroom is down the hall, second door on your left. My room is staright across from it. Need anything, Ill be taking a nap. And dont try leaving. Ill know if you do." I said walking down to my room and shutting my door closed. Sitting down on my bed I wondered why I was being so cold.

' _I This couldve…actually, It shouldve gone better than this. Maybe I should go apologize-**NO,dont give into your emotions, Hari ** Yeah, youre right I guess. _ ' I thought as I pulled out the journal Im love wirtting in. I like to keep it detailed and specific. My memories, everything is here. I thank my photographic memory for being able to do this, or my journal would hold no importance. At least not to me. I lay down and write what I have write. As I finish my entery for a the last few days, My eyes droop and close, carrying me off into the first peaceful sleep for three years.

Sasukes POV

( 3rd person perspective)

He sat on his bed looking around the room. Glancing down at the clothes hed received from Mizuhari and sighed, deciding, finally, to take her offer of an implied shower and sleep. Walking to the bathroom spoken of earlier, he quietly closed the door remembering her words. The knobs made no sound as he turned them to bring forht water from the bathtub faucet. He stood and undressed stepping into the gently spraying water.

Stepping out of the bathroom, a towel wrppaed around his waist, he recievied a huge shock when he heard a voice.

"Had a nice shower I see. You needed one, too." Mizuhari said hanging upside-down on the ceiling looking at Sasuke with her head tilted to side. He thought she looked rather amusing in this position, yet his shock and slight anger would not allow a smile of amusement.

" Do you keep tabs on everyone that enters your house?" he asked, temperment showing in his voice.

" Well, those accused and guilty of treason to their village, yes. Im afraid I do. If youve got a problem, get used to it. Youll be staying here quit a while. Who knows? Maybe youll get cozy." She said with a laugh jumping off the ceiling and landing on the floor silently her arms remaining crossed.

" Hn, whatever." He said turning his back to her and walking off.

" By the way, Sasuke, Im sorry for my words earilier. They were uncalled for and childish." She said to his back, before vanishing with the known speed of Jounins. Sasuke walked into his room noticing 6 more outfits a top of the chestnut dresser in his room. The corners of his mouth twitched slightly before turning back into the emotionless expression he always wore.

' Who knows? Maybe shes right. I could get used to this I guess. Though shes a huge thorn in my side…for now.' He thought a sigh escaping his mouth as he changed into one of the outfits left for him. He sat down on his bed, once again, gazing about the room and had a nagging feeling in the back of his head that he should thank her for the housing. His old house had probably become shambles and such. Sighing again, he fell back against the bed and drifted to sleep, while a smiling shadow left his room.

" Youre welcome…" came a distant voice to his ears, before all noise was shut out and he fell to comeplete darkness of sleep.


End file.
